The Experience

There are times that you wanted to take your words back but you can't. Better just stand up by your pride rather than admit that you're wrong. Because this is you. You wanted so much for people to understand but they just can't accept it because it's not right. You want so much to lose your shell and to destroy your own walls but you're too afraid because you're broken inside. We're all afraid to shatter all the pieces of nonsense things, brokenness, pain, a little hatred, anger and a dash of self-pity. Sometimes in our lives, we come to a point that these are all the things we have to offer. We think that no one can accept it because we will not accept it from others as well. Why is it so hard to ourselves... Who can accept me wholly as I am???


"My child, why have you ran so far away? I will still be there for you wherever you are. You are never alone and this world may never accept you but remember that for Me, you are precious. I will always accept you for who you are because I made you. I won't ever forsake you. I know the very things you're made of. All I ask is for you to lose yourself and let Me win it for you. Your broken pieces are what I need to make you whole. And I AM so ready to make you whole again. Know that I CAN do that. Nothing is too hard for me... I know you because I made you. You're created for Me. For My pleasure."

"Take the first step and I will run the rest for you just to be with you. You're never too far away from Me. Your heart is connected to mine. My heart will always beat for you."

Feel it... This is My Love pouring for you... For your sake...
Because I Love You.

"I have loved you with an everlasting love."

-an experience I've had to hear my God speak me at my lowest point. May 22, 2005

Your Glory, It's Me!

What does it mean to see Your Glory?
Can I see it glow in me?
I don't know where to start and where to reach out
To look inside myself seem to make me blind
Blind of the things You've done so far from me...
Inside of me.
Please come and make me see,
Let it shine through and make it glow.
Let me see it glow.

Behold the wonders of the hands that shaped me.
You've known and planned my life
Before the creation of the world.
It's great to know You were there thinking of me
And until now, You've been molding me.

Make me discern the things You want the most
And how I've come so far because You touched me.

I stand in awe to know, I have Your beauty in me.
A part of You that I will always hold deep inside my heart
And the Words You breathe upon my soul.
You gave me this life to offer You.

I am the very thing for people to see Your Glory...
It shines on me!

Adam and Eve

Oh how good God is to favor you richly
Because of the love He bestowed on you.
He makes everything possible,
Even sees your heart's desires...
He honors it and enjoys the store.
He writes upon His book,
Seeing His children growing together in His love.

I'm so thankful because the Lord has planned for you to be with me.
For our lives to meet on a crossroad,
Then see each other on the same way
That Jesus looks forward for us to have.
To learn and to grow, encourage each other,
And push each other to totally depend on Him.
On what He can do to our lives and through our lives.
Using us both for His glory that with unveiled faces,
We can let God's glory shine through us...

Adam and Eve have finally met each other,
This time on a different view.
Adam ready to offer His strength,
Eve, so captivating ready to offer her beauty and her heart...

You are the man I love...
The Adam the Lord has given me.
He caused the string of our lives to be entangled,
And strengthened in friendship.
Composed the Rhythm of our lives,
And directed the harmony in which we will grow...
Closer to Him... then, closer to each other...


Our God writes, we follow...
We dance as he invites us.
Our King rejoices over us.


"It's amazing how Jesus causes everything to work out in the lives of those who love and trust in Him. It's wonderful, rewarding and beautiful."

a piece of me

No matter where life takes me,

I know I have to be strong
Remembering each day to smile,
Even my soul to hide the smallest piece of pain.
That was what I wanna do
Even though at times I can't.
Just like a lover's song
Some moments change from old to new.
As long as I have somebody
To keep my head up high
I know I won't be alone in this life.

There are so many crossroads to take
And trails to leave behind.
Each part of my memories rejoicing in the clouds
Where I could just beak down and cry,
Laugh at where I've been and what I've become so far...

This is the life I call my own.
Each part too hard to understand
Yet still coping with everything that comes my way.
And just like living a dream to a different world,
Where I could only wish for in this life,
Is to find true meaning in every moment I cherish.
Like treasures of gold.
My love has come now, forever to last
Some things might have been,
But every little extras are meant to find the answers...

LOST

It feels like a long time, I've lost touch of my heart.
Maybe that's why I've lost touch of You.
Can't feel how You're holding me close right now,
When I don't even feel I'm with Your side.
I guess I've move...moved away.
But whatever happened to "Never will I leave you?"
It's all so empty to be alone.
Like a stranger in a land he's never been.
Where is the glory of the moment's gone?
And the touch of a hand that heals me?
Where is the joy I once have known,
Of a Love so pure, so warm it made me feel....

I just can't feel anything anymore.
I'm like a dust floating in the wind.
That whenever and wherever it takes me, I'm there.
Will You still reach out though I've moved away?
So far, I don't know what it's like to live like before.
I long to sit right at Your feet,
And hear Your voice once again.
I ache to find myself lost once more...
But now again I see the cross of sacrifice,
Of a long time friend...
Christ.

"get to see me"

Hey people...Do you still care?
Do you still care about what happens to me?
I know there are a lot of times I've missed.
A lot of times I haven't been there,
But then, now I'm here.

We all have our own world to go through
But this time doesn't feel the same.
I guess I've made the move...
You didn't.
It's not right for me to feel this but I do.

I feel so empty, like nobody cared.
Or at least not from the people I expect it from.
Even if they did, they never get to the bottom,
They only get to the surface,
And not care to at least search me deep within...
To know me inside out.
Nobody will care and nobody will take time.

Haven't I spent some time before to know you?
Don't I deserve the same treatment I gave you
When things are good?
Now that my time has come...
My own special day, I really don't feel that much special.
Just an ordinary day not even meant to be remembered.
And no one else cared.
No one even dared to bother,
No one even dared to see...

Coz' the least of things you'll get to realize is that...
You'll get to see me.

just one of the days i thought that no one even cared...but i was mistaken...
some people cared...they did...and i'm so thankful. =) all smiles...

THE DOWNSIDE OF PASSION

It’s a wonderful thing to experience passion. Passion and true belief in something always appear thematically throughout movies, books, and television. So often in such a way, in fact, that I think people often start to believe it only exists in fictitious realms, never to be taken as something real --- leave it between the pages in the theatre.

But I know passion. There have been many times in my life where I’ve been a part of something that stirred my soul, something that touched me in a way that it couldn’t be ignored or quenched. One of these, and most intense, was the love of my God; another, the love of a woman. When your faith is all but destroyed and the one you love is lost, passion turns against you. It becomes your rage and hurt and disappointment. It becomes fuel for animosity. These are the valleys.

Then comes decision time. I chose (after some self-indulgence and self-pitying), despite these loses and hurts, to move forward in my life. Standing on the edge, I found myself much like the author of Ecclesiastes. Like the final chapter of Ecclesiastes, with a last breath of desperation and willing to risk it all, I cast all my hope on the God whose existence I wasn’t even sure of anymore…

From: “I Know Passion” by J.L. Eubanks